First Impression:
What. The. Fuck. So I waltz into this site called “Fucking Machines.com,â€? right? And I’m thinking to myself “Man, this site sounds promising: hot bitches that FUCK like machines!â€? Damn right, bitches… this cat was in the bag early. So I log on and I see this hot redhead in a barn on all […]

First Impression:
Oh, damn… blast from the past! This site has catalogued the hottest pornstars of yore and put them in one site! It’s awesome; these were the days where if you found yourself a big pair of tits, they were ALWAYS REAL. There’s nothing quite like a big pair of retro tits to start off […]

First Impression:
Those chicks have really huge dicks, man. This particular brand of porn, I can’t quite put my finger on it but I’m kind of on the fence with them; I mean, for starters the chicks are frickin’ hot as hell and in a lot of the cases I can’t tell whether they’re men or […]

First Impression:
One time I hooked up with this girl up in the mountains and I was doing what I like to call “the fastball specialâ€? when the girl started shaking and screaming like she was being possessed by a demon; I took a step back and she started twitching and “oooohhâ€?-ing and I was about […]

First Impression:
Wow, I can get my porn in Italian if I wanted to! Se habla espanol, too. Muy bueno, gringos. This gives me the impression that the site has an international presence and I guess some people like that with their porn, but different languages don’t mean shit if you don’t have the goods to […]

First impression:
How many locks and hoops does a fucker like me have to go through to get to this site? I guess their concern for preventing kids from entering the site is noble but Jesus Christ, give it a rest already… it’s hard enough to type with one hand as it is, and I’m not […]

First Impression:
They say they’re HDTV but I could shot the footage with my cheap video camera and would’ve probably gotten a better result than some of the clips I’m seeing here. Shit, maybe I should open my own site! HDTVButNotReally.com.
My Opinion:
The false advertising made the site go off on a bad start with me but […]

First Impression:
A busy-looking site! Hurray! I by no means say that ironically; it’s the busy sites the ones with the best smut content because they make no apologies and go straight to the money shots, which is what people like you and me want; there’s nothing better than logging into a porn site and seeing […]